Why’d You Get Blown Off?

Are you just an innocent victim or did you commit a dating crime?


by Rosie Amodio



Date went great but now no follow-up? Stop scratching your head; we'll tell you why you got the old heave-ho after the hot night -- and how to fix it. “The important thing to remember is that it might have nothing to do with you,” says How to Create Your Own Luck author Susan RoAne. You can't create a formula for chemistry, but that doesn't mean you can't avoid the fizzle.

The Crime: Talked About Your Ex

The Victims: Guys and girls

The Fix: Yeah, we all know talking about exes is a no-no, but what you might not realize is talking about “a friend,” or “this person you know,” in rather vague terms is a total turnoff. Why? Because you're consciously trying to conceal an ex's identity. Date translation: You haven't left the past behind. Not only do you still need to talk about that person, you can't even say the chump's name. We say: Make it a point to say people's names when telling a story; e.g., “My friend Joe,” and better yet, refer only to friends of your same sex to avoid turning someone's wheels.

The Crime: You Were Too Much Alike

The Victims: Guys and girls

The Fix: You two are like, so alike…and that's the problem. Similar sensibilities, upbringings, and interests make for great conversation. But looking in the proverbial mirror can also make you start recognizing your shortcomings—and seeing them in the other person. We say: Honestly, there's little you can do to prevent this one. If it seems like the two of you share one too many coincidental traits, quickly bring up something that makes you unique, like the fact that you were a ski racer in high school or that you used to make your friends play library (ok, well maybe not something that dorky…see the next mistake).

The Crime: Not Knowing Your Date's Triggers

The Victims: Mostly guys

The Fix: We all have idiosyncrasies or seemingly innocuous interests. Maybe you have memorized every Erasure song, or have amassed a $20,000 Star Wars action figure collection. What's normal to you might turn off another. “I actually could not go on another date with a guy because he said he liked Billy Joel,” says Darla, 33. “Who likes Billy Joel and talks about it?!” We say: You can never tell what's going to push someone's buttons. A good rule of thumb? If your best friend has ever said, “Dude, that's so geeky,” in reference to something you like, keep it from the first date chat sheet.

The Crime: Your Timing Is Off

The Victims: Guys and girls

The Fix: This could not suck more. You know why? Because the amazing person you totally connected with felt the same way. Unfortunately, there's someone else who connects equally well, and has a history. We say: Whether your date was on a break, kinda sorta seeing someone else, or the next day at Starbucks met someone who gave him a bigger jolt than a double espresso, there's nothing you could have done differently. (Unless you held the person captive till they fell madly in love with you…j/k of course.)

The Crime: Your Buzz Wore Off

The Victims: Mostly girls

The Fix: There's a reason why they call them “beer goggles.” A lot of liquor and very little food combine to make girls giddy and guys more outgoing. So it's possible the two of you “really connected” trading quips till the wee hours, but once sobriety set in, one of you realized it just wasn't right. “I went on a date where we both got so drunk. I thought I had found my soul mate,” says Rosanna, 32. “Clearly, it was just me.” We say: Though cocktails can definitely ease the first-date nerves, always try to stay one glass behind your date (obviously, adjust the formula based on body weight and tolerance—one drink may be your limit). You don't want to do anything you'll regret the next day—let alone not remember. If you really need something to calm your fluttery stomach, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and take a deep breath. Think of him in his underwear, then get back out there.

The Crime: You Made Your Friends Jealous

The Victims: Mostly guys

The Fix: Beware of jealous (and single) best friends. They've been known to put the kibosh on cool guys. “When I told my best friend about this guy I went out with, she was really quick to pick up on something I said about him having moved to the West Coast during the Internet boom,” says Jane, 30. “She said I should be careful because he sounds like the kind of guy who would pack up for the next best thing. It definitely put doubt in my mind about him.” We say: Be aware that this might happen. Whenever you tell your friends about a date – especially slightly-jaded ones – don't take their comments too much to heart. And, let them know how your date has lots of single friends to fix up!