Emailing Made Easy

Having trouble coming up with the right words for your introduction? Check out our plan for crafting a pitch letter no man (or woman) can resist.


by Miles Stiverson


The first email is crucial in Internet dating -- play it wrong, and you're out of the game before it even begins. Perfect your prose with some basic dos and don'ts:

Do

• Keep it brief. You want your greeting to be short, simple, and intriguing. A lengthy dissertation on how you've never done this before will only make you seem crazy. Try: “Hi, I saw your profile and think we'd hit it off,” instead of “Well, now that I've installed high-speed Internet access, I've decided to start putting my computer to use and see what all the fuss is about online dating. . . ”
• Express specific interest. Say why you're writing this guy or gal, rather than one of the hundreds of others listed. (“It says you don't like pets; me neither!”) Show that you're into more than just a pretty face (and that you actually read the profile).
• Ask questions. It'll be more natural for a potential mate to write back if he or she is responding to a query; e.g., "So you live in New York and love camping -- have you ever been to Bear Mountain?" Just don't fire away a series of hot-topic questions about religion, sex, marriage, etc. at this stage.
• Stay anonymous. Allow for a couple of email exchanges to decide if it's a match before giving out your real name and phone number.

Don't

• Insist on meeting right away. Not only will you sound hopeless, your entreaty will raise some serious red flags. If you're really a good match, it will eventually become apparent in your email exchanges, and the face-to-face discussion will arise more naturally. Remember: Good things come to those who wait!
• Seem desperate. If you beg for a reply (“I really really hope to hear back soon,” or overly detailed descriptions of your access to a computer over the next two weeks), you probably won't get one. If you've written a compelling email –- briefly explained why you're interested in them and why they should be interested in you -- they'll want to respond without you having to plead your case.
• Be too witty. Subtle humor is often lost in email. Especially ones from strangers. Do, however, let your personality shine through -- an obviously cheesy joke could show that you're not stodgy and that you aren't taking things overly seriously. . . at least at this stage. And watch for punctuation marks: All caps can read very aggressively and an overabundance of exclamation points just makes you look stupid.
• Share too much information. (e.g., “It says you like to ski. I used to ski a lot before I tore my ACL. Man, was that a bad fall. I was going down this hill and out of nowhere I hit a mogul. . .”) Remember, you're getting to know one another, not comparing life stories. Be a little mysterious and they'll be left wanting more.