IM Hooked On You!

Looking for immediate gratification from a flirtee or date? Master the art of the instant message.


by Erin Hill

Instant messages have become the quickest and easiest way to communicate (and make your time at work -- or while procrastinating starting that term paper -- fly by). But sometimes (hopefully) that communication can get a little, eh, frisky. “The great trick of IM is that it has the quality of email, where you can say anything you’re thinking without your date staring at you,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “But you get an immediate response!” Here are a few fun tips to help you butter up your buddy list.

Greet Your Sweetie With Style If a person you’d been flirting with walked into your local pub, you wouldn’t immediately rush up -- you’d let him or her at least sit down and order a drink first. Similarly, when the apple of your eye (or Apple, as it were) first logs on to IM, give him or her a chance to check emails and scan favorite sites. Play it cool and don’t message anyone who hasn’t been logged on for at least 10 minutes. Then send a casual opening message like “Hey, what’s up?”

Speed Things Up IM is a fast way to make a visceral connection with that special someone just by making small talk. It lets your honey read the way you really think -- not how you write when you have time to labor over every email (that means no spell-check or comma-placement crises). “During the early get-to-know-you period of dating, IM gives you a casual environment to play around in,” Wodtke says. “It helps you get more familiar with your date and feel closer to them more quickly.” When you’re dating someone who’s at the computer as much as you are, IM is low-key enough that you can communicate daily, which helps kill the new-relationship “When should I call/When will I get a call?” panic. And you’ll feel like you have much more background once you do pick up the phone or meet in person.

Type What You Can’t Say You can make IMing fun and flirty in lots of ways. A routine phone call to your crush can often be stifled when coworkers are nearby. So while you make professional small talk, you can simultaneously type something saucy over IM to keep your crush wondering what you really mean.

Keep It Simple IM is meant for short, casual chats -- just because someone’s online doesn’t mean they expect to engage with you the entire time or that it’s an okay medium for the “Where do you see ‘us’ going?” talk. Remember that a lot can be lost in translation when you IM: Sarcasm, teasing, or humor can be read as serious and vice versa. Make sure you and the person you’re flirting with are both in similar moods with enough time to get each others’ tones before you launch into anything that could be misinterpreted. Also, that simplicity doesn’t just apply to what you say but how your words look. Text colors like yellow and neon green, funky fonts, or emoticon overloads are hard to read and distract from what you’re saying.

Get Cute -- When It’s Time Sending a cute compliment, nickname, or flirtation can make someone’s entire day -- or totally embarrass them if it gets read by the wrong person. When you’re typing away, you have no idea what your partner’s doing. They may be sitting at work with their boss standing above them or on the telephone mid-cry about some tragic situation that’s befallen them. Always feel out a buddy before sending a “Sweetie, you were so trashed last night!” or another message that could be unpleasant if it’s seen by the wrong person.

Say ‘Hey’ When You’re Away An away message is similar to a voicemail or answering machine service on your phone, but since a buddy list is made up of friends, not anyone, you can ditch formality and be as creative as you like. Grab your guy or girl’s attention and add personality to your away message with a favorite line from a movie or song. Or add an inside joke that only your crush will get to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Know the Lingo Instant messages can be confusing if you aren’t familiar with the lingo. (Don’t be afraid to question a rather obscure one like DQMOT, or “don't quote me on this.”) Abbreviations are common but it’s important not to go overboard -- stick to basic acronyms that other people are likely to get. Here are some to get you on your way:

BFN     Bye for now
CID     Consider it done
LOL     Laughing out loud
TTYL   Talk to you later
YT?     You there?

Be Patient There’s nothing more frustrating in the IM world than firing off a “What’s up?” to your crush and waiting for a response. They key is to play it cool. You have no idea what else your buddy is working on while you are chatting together. Maybe they are typing an important email, downloading a program, carrying on a few IM convos at the same time, or walking to the next room for a slice of pizza. There’s no sense in harassing someone who may be midactivity, so just sit back and relax -- they’ll get back to you when they can. Now, GL and HAGO! (Good luck and have a good one!)