04/02/2005 10:57 PM

I would like to express my condolences to all parisioners of the Catholic faith. Pope John Paul II died Saturday at the age of 84 after a long battle with Parkinson's disease and crippling arthritis. He was remembered Saturday as a "champion of human freedom," a "tireless advocate of peace" and a man with a "wonderful sense of humor." All day long the media broadcasted the highlights of his life's mission. President Bush spoke for the US citizens by stating, "We will always remember the humble, wise and fearless priest who became one of history's great moral leaders."

May Pope John Paul II rest in peace after a lifetime of service for his Lord and Savior

Sincerely,
---Rare

03/25/2005 03:48 PM

I pray all of you have a great Easter weekend. Think of this as a time of rebirth and renewal; just change your viewpoint or an irritating situation. Now is not the time to become complacent with dreams deferred. If you think your teeth aren’t white enough, then stop grumbling about it and change them to pearl white.

Personal case in point: Few years ago I use to complain about having a car problems. I just couldn’t understand why a perfectly serviced car could keep stalling in the mornings or at very inopportune times, especially after years of perfect service. (You would think the fact that the car was creeping past fourteen years would have given me a clue.)

Anyway, one day my dearest friend, Keya stopped during one of my car tirades. She said, “If you aren’t going to do anything about getting a new car, you really need to stop whining.” I looked at her … and after I picked my face up off the floor we laughed. She was soooo right. Only an idiot would keep doing the same thing and expect different results. I knew the stalling without explanation was a sign to start looking for a new car. I just did have the guts to face it. (I thank God for true friends that have a talent for helping you get real honest with yourself.)

So today, I’m driving a beauty that takes me from point A to point B in style and comfort. (Okay, I’m not thrilled with having a car payment but hopefully that will be gone in 2006.)

That instance, and many others, taught me the importance of change. It’s a seasonal lesson we really cannot forget. Sometimes we hold on to things or ideas that no longer suit us; maybe it’s a relationship that erodes our self-esteem or a job that underutilizes our talents but we need to remember to listen to our inner voice and keep moving forward.

The years of our lives shouldn’t just blur together. We should be better today then we were yesterday. Our minds, bodies and outlooks should show positive signs of development with each year that passes, if they aren’t then do something about it.

Easter can be a time to transform your life and mindset. Yes, you are scanning this website because you wish to change to your love life. I applaud you for being proactive but please don’t forget to get rid of negative people that are draining the happiness right out of you. You may have a relative that gets upset when your love life makes you unavailable on the weekends. Or you may have the constant voice of an overly-critical parent berating you for every small mistake you make.

Make up your mind to love your life, enjoy your time on the planet and surround yourself with the people that adore you. Empower yourself to be happy in spite of bad days and financial struggles. You can do it, I know you can. Just make up your mind!

Have a great Easter,
---Rare

03/13/2005 05:43 PM

Spring is trying to break Old Man Winter’s chilly grip on the NY/NJ/CT area this weekend. The sun and warm temperature brought the best out of everyone. There were even some freshly washed and waxed cars pouring steering the neighborhood streets. I used the time to give my daughters some much needed makeovers. Both of my daughters are sporting a pretty wavy ponytail that cascades from intricate braided pattern work; the new look give them a sassy freshness while keeping them hip with their classmates.

My hands usually ache after doing both of their hairstyles but their smiles make it worth every minute. Children do that to you. I find that I never really knew the meaning of unconditional love until my daughters came into my life. It’s like God takes your heart out of your chest and puts it into your baby. Over time your ability to empathize with others increases, your understanding of the world expands beyond yourself, and your definition of love expands beyond superficial things.

Some people believe having children makes dating harder but it really not the case. It actually makes the process much easier. You find that you have a built in litmus test for every potential mate. You are less likely to compromise your standards when your child’s life could be affected. You want to date a person you would feel proud to introduce to your children.

They should genuinely like children -- pretenders and players need not apply. Its how Rod Tillwell summed it up to Jerry Maguire, “A single mother, that’s a sacred thing man… A real man doesn’t shoplift the pooty from a single mom.”

Single parents have more at sake. Just think back to when you were a kid, when you or one of your childhood friends were going crazy over some jerk or gold-digger that was trying to snow a kind-hearted parent. You wanted to expose the injustice because you knew they were up to no good. My children are just like that; at age eleven and thirteen they are very intuitive. And any grandmother will tell you, pets and children can sense things adult just don’t.

I guess that is why I have a special place in my heart for single fathers. Single fathers understand the pressures of trying to raise well-adjusted adults while searching for a suitable life companion. You don’t have to explain why your child’s concert or sporting event comes before a candlelit dinner for two. You also don’t have to make an excuse to see a really funny children’s movie on a Saturday afternoon.

So all of the single parents looking for your soulmate should keep the faith. Don’t lower your standards out of frustration or fear. Just remember you are worthy of a wonderful person to share the rest of your life.

Keep smiling,
---Rare

03/08/2005 01:57 PM

I hope your weather is treated you better than it is treating me and my fellow New Jerseans. We are busy dealing with another storm today. Since I was raised in Florida, I don't have to tell you how I feel about that. Snow isn't my best friend but I get out there and shovel the snow with the best of them, its part of the season.

I really don't mind clearing my car every couple weeks as long as the snow is light and fluffy and the snowplows have cleared the roadways. Besides, I can't get out of work unless the governor tells all of us to stay home or be ticketed. (Man, I hope he says that this week. I love snow days when parents can get out of work.)

I watched Halle Berry in the television version of Their Eyes were Watching God on Sunday. Oprah has been heavily promoting it for weeks, so I decided to support the production and not just tape it for later viewing. Based upon the novel by Zora Neale Hurston, the film depicts the timeless, lyrical and passionate story of a beautiful and resilient woman's quest for love, sensual excitement and spiritual fulfillment, despite society's expectations of a woman of color in 1920s America. Ms. Berry stars as Janie Crawford, whose journey takes her through three marriages with very different men, and during which she experiences all that life has to offer, from tremendous success to unspeakable heartbreak. I'm glad I watched it. I've always adored that love story. Halle and Michael Ealy did a great job, I'm sure they'll be nominated for an Emmy next year.

While I was watching the ABC movie, I couldn't help but think about how the expressions of love have changed over the years. Back during the days of the Harlem Renaissance… love was portrayed with depth, adoration and passion. Today intimate connections are just about lust and passion with many of our black artists. From books to films to music our view of love is being limited by fleeting lusts. When will the tides turn? I love getting messages where a gentleman opens with… "Beyond your physical beauty, you seem to be a truly grounded, sensitive and intelligent woman who lets God lead" instead of "D$#n girl, you are straight up fine."

(Don't laugh, young boys really believe gangsta talk is the key to a woman's heart.) Women want to feel protected and safe with the man they adore but they also want to be respected. I'm someone's daughter, sister, mother, boss and friend. I believe I don't have to settle for anyone other than a real man. And I know the same goes for men. They want a lady by their side.

Just yesterday one of my part-time workers was telling me about a present girlfriend that destroyed almost all of his possessions just because he called off a trip they were going to take. Things got so out of hand he had to physically remove her from his residence and call the police.

When the officer arrived on the scene, the young lady was in the process of trying to kick in the door of my worker’s home. After the police view the home and the parties involved they began to handcuff the woman but my worker intervened. He told me he started to feel badly because she started to cry. So, don’t you know he didn’t let her go to the pokey? (What??? Now you KNOW I had a strong talk with him.)

The young woman’s parents have paid for the damages but my worker is still a bit stunned. The officer even told him his girlfriend has a restraining order against her from another man. (An ex-boyfriend) ---- Man, all of us need to be very careful. Words are great but actions reveal a lot about a person. Don’t let anyone disrespect you. And please wait for the right person to come along because dealing with crazies will give you nothing but stress.

Until I return,
---Rare

03/04/2005 07:13 AM

There’s something sweet about the bonds of human interaction and intimacy that provides our hearts refuge against the bitterness of society. No matter how tough the world is outside, I can take solace in the adoration of my family and the peace of my home. God blessed me with a refuge from the storm, my own little haven that lets me regroup and recharge before I face another day.

I ADORE Thursdays. That is my official ‘Adore me day’. Mellow Jazz from my favorite New York station or my own CD collection delights my soul as I unwind in a bath of sudsy bubbles illuminated by candlelight every Thursday night. Now, I know it seems like the perfect way to unwind every day but I believe in delayed gratification. I find the indulging rituals of Thursdays gets sweeter with each passing week. I treat myself to fresh cut flowers on that day, I continue whatever novel I’ve been reading and I try a new recipe I had my eye on all week.

By the time my head hits the pillow, I feel like I went to the spa but better… I didn’t have to pay anyone and I didn’t have to leave the comfort of my own home.

Ohhhh, the things ladies do for inner peace. But we need to do it!

It’s easy to be receptive to love if you love yourself. It almost like a moth to a flame. Men find it so appealing. There is a look that appears on your countenance that defies all description. I would say it’s a joyful peacefulness but even that sounds limiting. I guess it’s a peaceful, sexy, joyful, sassiness that elates the girl in you. It makes your skin glow and your lips smile. And the only thing you can attribute it to is thankfulness that you are alive. (My sister Toi calls it a ‘Too Blessed to be Stressed’ look. And she may be right.)

So many times we let the weeks blend into each other without stopping to appreciate the small things. From a chat with an old friend to singing at the top of our lungs on our drive to work, we need to remember its okay to let loose ever now and then. Okay, I know you serious grownups will try to poo poo on that idea but if you want to keep popping pills and/or downing shots of liquor as your answer then by all means do so. I choose to have a snowball fight instead.

In the time I’ve been dating I have no problem finding the serious guy or the playful one but never the mixture of the two... well, that's another story.

The serious guys are very responsible and deep but have all the personality and charisma of a C-Span announcer. And the playful guys are so immature that I find myself wondering did their mothers take them off Similac or has it become a daily nutritional supplement. There has to be a happy medium because I see wonderful examples of such men in my family and friends.

Please don’t tell me that model has been discontinued. (LAUGHTER)

Enjoy what the weekend brings,
---Rare

03/03/2005 12:33 PM

It’s March. It sure took its happy little time getting here. Last month was great; I turned 34 and I’m just loving every minute of it. I look great for my age, if I do say so myself. The winter weather has been unpredictable but for the most part it’s been cold, very cold.

I’m thankful for my heat and blankets every night. I’ve decided to stay away from the gym this month; there are too many sickly people around there. I’m not a germ phobic or anything like that but I really don’t want a cold right now. Besides, sometimes the best workouts can be achieved in the privacy of your own home. (My daughters are so into Billy Blanks right now but I prefer the peacefulness of Pilates.)

Did you guys watch or hear about ABC’s bachelorette?

Jen is a woman after my own heart but ABC was so cruel to make her tell the final guy after THREE months of waiting that she didn’t want him. You KNOW that was all for ratings. They know the bachelor franchise is going bust. They have never EVER showcased bachelors or bachelorettes from different ethnic backgrounds. Everyone knows reality shows can’t hold the top spot in the ratings war without acknowledgement of more than one race. My girlfriends and I cry with laughter every time we see the one token minority waiting for a rose. We all know what’s going to happen, the ethnic guy or girl will survive for a round or two then they are gone. (Cry me a river!!)

ABC needs to shoot some life into this show. Place a Will Smith type on the show with 24 Blacks, Latinas (and one Rebecca or Catherine to make sure we don’t lose that part of the audience) and I’m sure we’ll have a show hotter than the first season of The Apprentice. The camera guys would have a field day trying to keep track to the drama. And every rose ceremony would end with some lady telling the guy off for lying to her or she would make an on camera confession about him just make him look bad to his family and friends. C’mon ABC let ME run that show for a season. (LAUGHTER)

Let’s face it the dating scene is hard, scary and down right comical at times. But the reward of finding a soulmate is worth it. It really is. Just this morning I told a friend about my grandparents. They knew the meaning of friendship and adoration. My grandparents were married for 55 years based on the fact that they were friends first. Now don’t get me wrong, they had their bickering moments … but for the most part they adored each other. The way he laughed at her when she was trying to make him do something he didn’t want to do was priceless.

I told my friend about a time when my grandmother wanted my grandfather to come sit at the dining room table so she could serve him dinner. (I was raised near their home in Florida, so I learned southern hospitality up close and personal.) Anyway, my grandfather refused to be seated because a nice breeze had settled in and he wanted to enjoy it on the porch. Well, my grandmother didn’t want to hear anything about a breeze after she had just spent two hours in a hot kitchen on a balmy Florida day. She wanted him to eat and she wanted him to eat now.

I remember sitting next to my grandfather and telling him grandma was about to spit fire if he didn’t get in there any eat her supper. He turned to me, smiled and told me to tell her he wanted some soda water. (That’s southern talk for a cola.) I looked at him like he had just asked me to walk barefoot over hot pavement. He winked at me and told me not to worry, just do it. (That was the slowest walk I ever took.)

I remember my grandmother looked at me like she wanted to rip my eleven-year old ponytails off my head. I tried to smooth things over by offering to take the drink myself but she refused. She gathered an icy glass and a can of cola and marched towards the porch. I had expected to hear her slam it on the table or even hear her reiterate his need to come to supper. But I didn’t hear a thing. It was quiet. Then… I heard hushed whispers and laughter.

When I peeked in the entranceway I could see my grandmother sitting next to my grandfather with her legs draped over his lap and his cold glass of soda water at her lips. He rubbed her feet and flirted with her.

We ate dinner late that night but I learned a valuable lesson. Never underestimate a man’s ability to soothe, love and strengthen the people he loves. I guess he knew what my grandmother needed, while still having things his way. (He was such a sly fox. I miss him greatly.)

I guess all of us are looking for those magical, everyday moments. Thanks to my grandfather, I believe in give and take. I wasn’t raised to believe it’s my responsibility to make someone happy but I can make their life enjoyable. Do you agree or disagree?

Well, I better go.

Have a great evening,
---Rare

01/10/2005 09:18 PM

It sure was difficult to get up this morning. Aren’t Mondays the worse? When my alarm when off at 5:45AM, I secretly wished I was Saturday morning so I could forget about having to face the new work week.

Man, I really need to get a grip. Did you know one of the hardest things a single woman has to face is to not having a safe place to fall? I heard some love psychologist tout that on the radio as I drove to work this morning. Maybe he had a point, friends and family are wonderful but there is something about having a companion that loves you as intensely as you love them.

Well, that ex-boyfriend (Mr. Talk - the one that's trying to be my current boyfriend again) tried to place a promise type ring on my left hand a few days ago. He said, "It’s symbolic of our commitment and devotion."

Tell me something, when was the last time you saw a single woman over 30 walked around with a promise ring? I’ve heard about promise rings between college sweetheart or guys going off to war but in my reality a man is either on his knee asking the question when a ring is given or a woman is nagging him to get up the nerve.

I’m a little unnerved at the moment, can you tell? The nerve of him, after all the time we've been broken up he would try a stunt like that. He said this is a new year and he wanted to do things the right way. (He called that the RIGHT way!!!) I was speechless. (Couldn't wait to drive away fast enough.)

Everyone say goodbye to Mr. Talk.


Moving on... ABC’s Bachelorette season three is coming on so I guess I’ll watch it. Don’t you feel a little sorry for ABC? I mean when will those network guys realize the Bachelorette franchise is more lucrative than the Bachelor? (Sighs) I guess they are waiting for one more guy to break someone’s heart and for the US public to thank them in the Neilson ratings.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

---Rare

01/07/2005 11:37 AM

This week has been full of surprises. If it is any indication of the new year to come… I know 2005 will be one for the record books. I came to this site out of curiosity and a little frustration with the state of my love life. The premise was appealing and my girlfriends and I get a kick out of the site. Jean E is wickedly funny and as we all know – laughter is the best medicine.

Anyway, this week a man that meant the world to me made his intentions quite clear. (Let's call him Mr. Talk, for the sake of clarity.) He may have seen the site or maybe he has reached a time in his life where he wants to re-evaluate his goals. I’m not sure, but it was touching the way he promised to be what I needed. (Do I believe it,... doubts, doubts.) It was almost surreal, considering earlier that day another man (Mr. Moody) tried to berate me for conversing with an old boyfriend.

I’ll be quite honest, Mr. Talk is a guy that I stopped dating during late Spring of 2004. I had lost my tolerance for his commitment-phobic tendencies and respectfully let me go. After our 15 months relationship ended I felt drained. I had no idea how much energy I had spent trying to decipher his intentions while modifying my needs to suit the confines of our relationship. In the end, I believed it all boiled down to incompatibility.

I returned to the dating scene but found dating others to be quite frustrating because everyone is to the point where lying is the norm and telling the truth is a rare occurrence. During by the summer I had begun exclusively dating one guy (Mr. Moody) but by September it became quite obvious he wasn’t the man for me. (He tried to pretend he was a normal guy but he was PMS-ing so bad that it became clear that he wasn't). And he did nothing to correct my conclusion.

One October night, after a really bad ankle sprain, fate would have my Mr. Talk cross my path again. He came right when I needed someone to help me wobble around. From then to now, he was been my friend. He never pushed his relationship ideas on me and I never pressured him to be more to me than a friend. In the end, this week, he made his intentions crystal clear. And he wants to start this year from that perspective. I know nothing is guaranteed but I have a good feeling about this.

So, I’ll take a wait and see stance for now. Remember his nickname is "Mr. Talk".

Take care,
---Rare

01/02/2005 10:33 PM

This New Year is going to be great! I can just feel it. I’m going to proclaim it now because that is how I feel about the months ahead of us. I must say rockin’ in the new year with the people I love was wonderful. I hope and pray every New Year ’s Eve will be filled with the joy, music and love I experienced in 2004.

Now I know many people would consider being single on New Year ’s Eve a horrible thing but I have a few words for them … get a grip. It’s only one night out of 365 days of the year. That’s not to say the night is not the most talked about night of the year, but my romantic future doesn’t rest in the successful date of one night. I was dateless on New Year’s Eve but I wasn’t alone. I had my wonderful family around me.

Every single person that is agonizing about being alone on December 31st 2004 needs to let it go. If they must be depressed over something they can …devote their brain cells to obsessing over Valentine’s Day. But I choose to think about where I will vacation in 2005.

I’m coming down with a cold so I’ll end this for now.

Enjoy life and remember to laugh everyday,
---Rare

12/30/2004 08:35 AM

Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could just go back to bed and pull the covers back over your head? Well, yesterday was that day for me. After learning a relative had a heart attack, arguing with a health insurance company representative, missing a lunch date with a great guy, getting my six month gynological exam and after-Christmas shopping with two pre-teens, God in all his infinite wisdom had me run into an ex-boyfriend. (Let's call him.... Mr. Me-Me-Me for the sake of clarity.)

I hadn’t spoken to Mr. Me-Me-Me in years. Quick history: Real scumball. We dated for three years in the 90s. I discovered he cheated on me every time I spent quality time with my daughters.

In a relationship, Mr. Me-Me-Me lacks empathy for anyone but himself, a total commitment-phobic. I left him when I faced the fact that he had problems with monogamy and commitment all his life: from his very brief marriage, to two failed engagements (where he once left a woman at the alter), to countless numbers of ex-girlfriends.

I realized that I only dealt with this man because I was vulnerable during the finalization of my divorce. We’ve all been there. You are too much of an emotional mess to recognize that someone’s playing you for a fool. It was a learning experience but I’m one of those people that don’t believe in being friends with anyone that abuses your trust. I just can’t stomach negative people in my life. It’s too draining.

So anyway…when I was busy trying to complete my daughters’ shopping in a department store, there he was walking towards me. He was alone and it was very clear we both recognized each other. As the distance between us got shorter, I could feel the recognition in my brain turn into repulsion in my stomach, so with a face void of expression I quickly turn into another aisle to avoid the confrontation.

Now before you tell me how I missed a great chance to gloat about my wonderful life, let’s get two things clear. Small talk with Mr. Me-Me-Me is something I can’t stomach doing and secondly, his opinion on my life is really not relevant.

I knew there would be a time where I would have to see him and to tell the truth I’m quite happy with my reaction. Now I don’t have to worry about re-playing any short encounter with him in my head. It was like looking at an old photograph and deciding you don’t need to keep it. Maybe it was just God’s way of testing me to see if I’m ready for a different phase in my life. So, do you think I’ve passed?

Keep looking forward,
--Rare

12/28/2004 11:10 PM

Okay, please tell me you saw the 20/20 special titled 'New Year, New Love'. There were three reports in total. The first one featured a very attractive mother/daughter matchmaking team,based in California, which helped an attractive CEO. The second was on a matchmaking institute which has been nicknamed “Cupid Academy” based in New York City. And the last featured Mama Gina, a woman that makes a career out of teaching women to let go of their inhibitions in her six-week seminars held at the 'School of Womanly Arts'.

One thing the program made perfectly clear was that a majority of us are searching for companionship and there are people that are eager to help us and to profit at the same time.

Now I don’t mind someone asking for payment of their services as long as I am benefiting from the transaction. (Did that sound indecent? I hope not, no double entendre was intended.) Anyway, whether I’m paying for my dry cleaning or a greek salad, I want what I’m paying for. If the matchmakers can’t meet a customer’s demands then they should end the transaction and part ways.

The 20/20 program made me think about the Greatboyfriend/Girlfriends.com concept. I must admit... it’s a sound one, but it’s ONLY as good as the people we recommend. Each of us has to be honest about the people we place up here. Ladies, if you honestly think he was a great catch just not a catch for you then by all means place him up here but c’mon don’t insult our intelligence. When we see lady that has recommended fifteen guys and all of them were “wonderful” and “great relationship material”, we have to be a little skeptical about your listings. If you can’t be selective in your posts, how in the world can any of us trust you as an advisor? (Please, note I'm not referring to mothers, relatives and matchmakers in training.)

Listen everyone, the sites are fun and helpful but please don’t take them as your only resource in the dating arena. You have to live your life. Have fun, challenge yourself, strive to make your life better and enjoy your friends and families. The latest news reports on the Tsunami death tolls (which is past 55,000 this evening) has taught us that.

Well, let remember to keep our quest for love in perspective. We might be single but that doesn’t not equate to any of us being broken, lonely, or unworthy of a full life. So keep your eyes open but your head on straight.

Keep the faith,
---Rare

12/24/2004 06:47 PM

It’s Christmas Eve and I must say I’m a little sad that there won’t snow in New Jersey this Christmas. I’m not a person that enjoys shoveling snow but I like looking outside of my windows to see the river has frozen over and a fresh batch of snow has covered the ground. I guess it the kid in me that thinks Christmas is only idea with a little snow outside my window.

I must say I’m glad that the inside of my home has all the designs of Christmas. The perfectly decorated tree with present underneath, stocking overflowing with goodies, garland, pinecones and deep red roses decorate the tables, a matching wreath decorate the entranceway and the scent of freshly baked Christmas cookies float from the kitchen. I must say my daughters and I had a great time decorated this year. As they get older, I’m finding that I love their special touches more and more each year.

This Christmas has been about reflection and goal-setting. I have a lot of plans for the New Year. I’m hoping to enter Graduate School in the Fall of 2005 to work on my Ph.D. I also want to read that book I’ve been delaying for a few years. I’m at a good place in my life to do those things.

I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she was telling me how much she hates the Christmas holidays because she is alone. I was shocked because she has three beautiful children and she is starting to date again. I told her she shouldn’t give anyone the power to make the holiday a good or bad occasion. I want a great companion like the next person but my life isn’t on hold until they arrive. I enjoy each day, work on my goals, enjoy my children’s laughter and spoil myself when I can. I can’t imagine life any other way.

I live my life by a few rules…just like E. Jean. One of my rules is that I love myself enough to spoil myself.

I will not save my best perfume, sexiest undergarments, and my loveliest hairstyle for a date night. I deserve to rock my best looks all the time.

I will not miss a movie I want to see because a man hasn’t asked me to see it. I’ll see it with my friends or by myself. (If the movie critics can do it so can I.)

I will not do without diamonds, designer purchases or freshly cut flowers just because a man hasn’t presented me with them. When I can, I’ll buy those things for myself and enjoy them to the fullest.

I will go to on exotic vacations with my girlfriends or alone because life is too sweet to delay the outlooks different place can give you.

Always remember you are too pretty to deserve less than the best. I love men, their smiles, laughter and confidence but with or without them romancing me I’m still a lovely woman deserving all the happiness God has in store. Besides, being a mother to two beautiful daughters I know the importance of instilling self-worth. I want them to look for companionship, not someone to make them happy with their lives. I know the burden of being responsible for everyone’s happiness. (Honey, that weight is so heavy that Santa only does it one a year and he has a full year to recover.) I don’t go there…. Not any more.

If I feel like dancing, I do it around my home or out with my friends. If I need a holiday hug or a kiss I’m not above placing a piece of mistletoe on the side of my fedora hat and letting the kisses come my way. And don't forget the things a girl can do with a package of homemade Christmas cookies.

The way to many people’s hearts is great food, a joy of life and a smile. Just use what you are working with and everything will come together. Remember life is a ride --enjoy the hills and turns but don’t let the traffic jams take the fun out of the trip.

‘Till next time,
--- Rare

P.S. I brought myself some really great things this year. But don’t worry, I made sure to get each item gift wrapped so I would have to wait until Christmas to enjoy them. (Quick question, do you think I’ll have to stop doing my own shopping once I get a great guy? I really hope not!! – SMILE) Have a Merry Christmas!!!

12/23/2004 11:42 PM


I come from a legacy of strong, intelligent black women therefore I won’t settle for a relationship that won’t let me be myself.

Thanks to the wisdom of a loving mother I finally understand that love doesn’t hurt.
It doesn’t call for you to change your essence for it to remain in your life. Or require you to bend yourself into what someone else needs. Instead, it requires you to respect yourself as you discover life with a companion.

Nothing more and nothing less.

I don’t worry about love. Instead, I choose to honor its coming because God whispered will provide a greater love than anything I can imagine. Putting my face and bio on display isn’t an act of desperation nor is your reading it. It’s just validates that we understand one important thing: achieving a compatible mate requires work. It means sacrifice, compromise and stepping out of ones comfort zone. Is this a little zany? Well, it’s not as idiotic as being on television waiting for someone to hand you a rose of approval.

I know that compelling, intelligent women are irresistible to resilient, intellectual men. So I don’t need to settle for mediocrity. And neither should you.

Good luck on your search for love and happiness guys. If I’ve intrigued you …write.


I’m looking for a man that is: Responsible, Trustworthy, Loyalty, Honesty, Compassionate, God-fearing, Empathic, Romantic, Passionate, Serious (yet playful), Family oriented, wants a committed relationship, hard-working, private (not secretive) and monogamous.

A great smile and laugh wins my heart every time. I want someone with a Bachelor’s degree or higher, a sense of humor, a strong character and someone who is decisive and caring. He would understand the importance of supporting the woman he loves.

In this day and age it’s so easy to be disrespectful. Many people place their selfish needs above what is best for their relationship. I don’t tolerate that. I’ll call you on it. If you want to be in a loving, committed relationship, don’t disrespect your mate … in word or deed.

I also believe in not going to bed angry or with an important matter unsettled. It takes a straight-forward, compassionate, God-fearing man to appreciate that belief. I want a man that’s not afraid to say how he feels and who is man enough to hear my response.

I know that’s a tall order but hey I told you I don’t see the need to settle. (SMILE)